The Anti-Superman Lois!

Ladies and gentlemen the other story from last post's subject issue. The Super-Reckless Lois Lane was a mixed bag for me, on the one hand there was some genuine fun to be found reading Lois doing silly cool things. But the ending is such a crushing reminder that no fun can be had with Lois Lane. Let's see what else SGLL #101 has to offer us. 

Some television executive was digging through his childhood comics, flipped through this one and shouted "Call Billy an idea struck me!" 

So Lois has to impersonate someone who's impersonating her, while pretending she's too stupid to impersonate herself. I'll give this opening one thing, I can't figure out the ending with one look. That's usually either a sign the writers have actually obliged us with thinking, or just the opposite and everything makes so little sense no scene can be considered in relation to another. Like a jigsaw puzzle with all the interlocking sides shaved away. 

And does everyone in the DC universe have prosopagnosia? Say what you want about Clark's stupid glasses but at least he's concealing his face a little. Lois Lane is a famous reporter who constantly has wild adventures and all she does is dye her hair.  Hope she washes it out before punching in the next morning or everyone will start yelling at the weirdo who just strolled in and sat down at Lois' desk!

Little know fact Silver Age Ma and Pa Kent did not die of old age, they shot each other when they started going grey. Both thought they were being burgled. 

"Ever since I started using the camera people keep screaming at me, they've even tried wrenching it out my hands! People can be so mean when they're jealous!"

A pistol camera. A pistol camera.  A camera with nothing for you to look through while setting up the shot.  A camera who's shape and all around look is based on a weapon. Specifically a gun that you have to point at whoever or whatever you're photographing. 

Imagine it, it's the President's State Of The Union speech, or perhaps he is passing in a motorcade. You Lois Lane, have the perfect shot. And so surrounded by patriots, even more patriots and jittery Secret Service men, you pull out your gun. 

Who gave you this amazing camera Lois? An old high school boyfriend you dumped a bit hard? Someone else Perry considered hiring around the same time? A rival you scooped? 

Also where does the "completely developed" picture come from exactly? For the sake of my sanity I'm assuming the lens is in the barrel.  But where else could the photo emerge? The cylinder? Her soul!?

  
Oh what a surprise they think she's planning a robbery. Next page, well next page after the ad that's been cut out. 

Chip, Perry's long lost brother by the looks of it.

So these baddies see that the clumsy woman with the pistol looks exactly like Lois but with blond hair. They assume this is a miraculous coincidence, that she's someone who looks like Lois in every detail except for her hair colour. She even has the same hair style. Did hair dye never cross their minds? Or are they unaware it's a thing? If so then we're lucky that when Lois dropped her purse they didn't start screaming that the witch was going for her wand. 

So Superman does not want to marry Lois because then his enemies might wish to vent their anger at her. And yet he allows the newspaper he works at to print an article about how Lois is his "girlfriend". Also if them having a romantic connection is common knowledge why are they reporting a kiss? Or maybe the Daily Planet just Perry White's platform for office gossip

Jimmy Olsen was accompanied to the Planet Christmas party by a new henceforth unknown girlfriend. Reporter Clark Kent does not give it a week, as Jimmy Olsen is undergoing a metamorphosis into a festively decorated tree. More on page four. 

 And twice in a row the Anti-Superman Gang screw with our heroine. This time probably for real. You know when a group has access to both the resources and the technical skills to build ten kiloton nuclear weapons, and a somewhat alien looking for the time plane, what instantly springs to mind? A bunch of thugs in hideous suits of course.  

So they want Lois to dye her hair dark so-oh they do know that's a thing. And yet the idea Lois herself was trying out life as a bottle blond did not occur to them. Sometimes in these comics people can be oddly selectively stupid. 

"Lois, why is my medal glowing?" 

You know Lois there's such a thing as laying it on too thick. Who in this world could not know about Superman? I mean for god sakes the guy can't scratch his crotch without the Planet reporting on it, and Lois' location in relation to him at the time.  

Also if these guys are trying to trick people into thinking that shucks they're just the biggest Superman fans, shouldn't they be in disguise? I mean they're super villains who Lois knows by first and last names, and can recognize on sight. And she's a reporter for a major newspaper, she should have spread this info far and wide.

Also about the "Daily Planet Gym For Boys", did gym mean something else in the olden days or do they really mean like a place with workout equipment for kids? And is it actually inside the Daily Planet building? I bet Superman is looking so pissed, because they had to move Clark Kent's desk for the pint sized dumbbells. 

Anyone else swear they've seen Lois wear that very dress?

I've just realised, this is in fact the dumbest, most surreal adaptation of My Fair Lady of all time. Two super villains wrongly (or rightly it's debatable) think they've picked up  some low brow lady with no class and train her in the style and ways of her true identity. Somewhere in the audience Lois Griffin is bitter husband hijacked her play again, and that Seth McFarlane has run out of ideas. 

Also what the fuck are they doing in the first panel? Wait I get it, they're casting a spell, those aren't ugly business suits, they're appalling wizard garb!

He just remembered how the projector betrayed him. 

You think that Lana-gram is bad Lois? That's just the one where she bothered with the bathing suit. And look even the characters in the comic know Lois is crazy. 

"Thank God you're safe Lois, I had to let the orphanage burn to catch you!"

Superman's weekend assignment? Wouldn't that mean someone told him to go there? So Superman has a dispatcher, who if he's too much of a loose canon can demand he hand in his big letter S and his dorky glasses. 

Or maybe this is in the middle of the story where Superman discovers he technically does not have a elementary education and so goes back to school. I will bet you all so much that actually happened. 

And poor Superman, Lois has flung herself out of buildings to get his attention so much that he doesn't even comment. Not even to tell her to get her inner ear checked, he just says hi and tells her it's good to catch up. That is a man worn down and destroyed. 

Like five year old who wants a biscuit, Superman always goes for the waist. 

Brilliant plan, except you think "Sandy" isn't aware of the killing Superman part of this plan. So she'll probably just close the shutter when he starts collapsing. Now I realise why they only sprung out the nukes in the indulgent dream sequence, if they actually tried building one Kim Jong-un would probably laugh at them. 

Didn't Alan Moore write something about what would happen if there was a superhuman guy loyal only to America? Like Security Guards or something?

So they wanted the mouse because it experienced lunar gravity? Wouldn't a person be more valuable for testing purposes? This was written in 1970 so those weren't non existent. Also Superman we know you're talking about the Soviets, and they had already sent animals into space, before America in fact. 


And if the Anti-Superman Gang are just general ne'er-do-wells and not like specifically a group of people who just love hating on Superman, why are they called that? Shouldn't they be the Anti-Superman-Flash-Batman-Wonder Woman-Green Lantern-FBI-Interpol-Legion Of Superheroes-Police Force Gang?  

Well that was a disappointing second half. Next time, what if we do something a bit weirder, What If?....