The Boy Of Steel

When we last left Jimmy Olsen three of the same story did not get anything resembling a satisfying conclusion. I got over a million signatures on a petition demanding DC patch Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #16, they relented, but all we got was a slide show. We also got today's story, The Boy Of Steel, but before that we've got some ads. 

Don't make me choose!

This is total bullshit, I sent in the coupon nearly six months ago and I still haven't gotten my merchandise!

Binky I'm sure you can tell why Bruce Wayne isn't in a fun mood!

 The National Social Welfare Assembly must have run out of things to complain about dem young people today (fifty years ago) if we're down to "They sometimes let themselves have uneventful weeks!". What is happening on Wednesday any way? Looks like someone urinated in the corner of the panel.  Also oddly enough people in old comics wearing black in my experience aren't usually evil, more often we're meant to pity them for not being an able bodied, happy, unchallenged in any way WASP. 

Is there a market for used bullets?

You know catching the bullets is probably wise, really at least few dozen people  should have been killed by ammo ricochetting off Superman's chest over the years. And charming the writers forgot Lois wasn't the Daily Planet coffee girl. It's an understandable mistake, the only evidence of her being a reporter is decades of comics and pop culture references, and look at what could be interoperated as making her the coffee girl, she's a woman! 

And after sixteen issues of being Jimmy Olsen I'd be numb as well, plus we we all know Lois makes tepid cocoa.

So Superman would make his bro invulnerable and not his girl friend? Intriguing

I don't see why Lois has jumped to this conclusion, she beats Jimmy far more savagely every morning and he deals with it. And yeah Superman is pretty much the only being on Earth with superhuman durability. Aside from Wonder Woman, Aquaman (and probably most other Atlanteans), Supergirl, Krypto, any Kandorian when the bottle springs a leak.... 

Also the same thing, a hospital and a morgue  

Um Clark notice Lois said the human body, not mouse body. Oh well humans, mice, same thing really, I've seen both talk in cartoons after all.  And Superman isn't even bothering with a phone booth any more, just a "nook". Probably changing in-between the coffee maker and the water cooler. 

And why the rush any way? Superman, Jimmy's invulnerable, by definition he's safer than ever! 

Turns out they were on the set of the Adventures Of Superman tv show and everything was Styrofoam

Wait did Superman just run over here at speeds Jimmy could hope to keep up with? I know it's  just around the corner but when shooting is involved I wouldn't mind he gets around to stopping the bullets as soon as possible. 

Hmm the rest of the Daily Planet staff have been feeling a bit cancerous as of late. 

  You know something will come up eventually that requires lifting, welding, flying or any number of things Clark? Jimmy's kind of a one trick pony.  Maybe Clark's annoyed because his attempt to kill Jimmy with fallout yesterday went terribly wrong. 

"Let my girlfriend get herself killed, or tell her I'm Superman. Obvious choice people."

Say you caught a bad case of the invincible from contact with Jimmy, the thing about radiation, it radiates. Also Superman it'll take you a like two seconds to zip over and warn Jimmy, Lois has only been clocked as being able to put herself in mortal peril in six seconds without supervision.  

"Crippling indecision... can't realise.... this is a non problem!"

What exactly were Lois and Jimmy planning on doing about this situation? They don't have super breath or whatever to put out the fire and even if they remove the explosives they're surrounded by flammable people on all sides! 

Superman's monopoly is secured. 

Superman is quite happy that the chances of him having an equal are slim to nil. Anyway what have we learned? Mice and humans are precisely alike, Superman cares more for his secret than the safety of his friends and wildroot cream-oil protects us from bizarre semen monsters!

Another story, but first ads! But I don't give a fuck about the ads. 

Oh this is about the writer

We all would know about truth serum if it actually existed. Also since Superman can cross solar systems in minutes I'm not sure how out of town he has to be before calling him is impractical. And I like how Superman's super vision can't tell him there's no smoke or flame or anything fiery whatsoever.

The lie is Jimmy's time can't be wasted, it's useless

Poor Perry is such an awful editor that he needs to ask the opinion of the journalist he's vetting. It's why all of Clark and Lois' articles are just lists of all the swears they know.

Perry: Clark, do you think the first paragraph evokes sentimentality in the reader without coming of as emotionally manipulative or non-impartial? 

Clark: Yes sir, I think "Fuck, shit, crap, cum, cock." is especially vivid.

Perry: Uh Clark I've begun to notice something about this article.

Clark:...What sir?

Perry: You do know cock is not technically a swear word? It's nothing really, keep up the good work! 

 This lie serum seems like a lot of effort, wouldn't Jimmy's ignorance of Superman's secret identity be confirmed by the lie detector? And wouldn't pulling an answer out of his arse piss of the criminals when they discover he wasted their time? 

"Turned out to be a fake though, fucking Congo Bill!"

 Apparently people in the olden days had no comprehension of self deprecation  No wonder they're so full of themselves on Mad Men. This would have worked out so better if Jimmy had waited till quitting time to take his stupid potion. Also I assume Devoe was given Jimmy as an escort as an assassination attempt with all the shit that happens around him. 

"Clearly the universe made up for Jimmy's lie by pushing that man to his death, he must be destroyed." 

 Hey what would have happened if Jimmy hid in the toilets overnight or something? Would this hideous suit with a person inside have just stood by the door till morning? Did the people who were surely coming in and out of the building not notice the man standing there all day? Hope he had a book or something. 

The word whopper is developing several new and horrible meanings for me

 That is is the most balls out crazy lie I ever heard, the tall, muscled, blue haired man who looks exactly like Superman, is never in the same place as Superman, knows impossible information about Superman, and is Superman, is Superman. 

I wonder what these criminals thought was going to happen when they did find  Superman? 

Ugly Suit With Clashing Fedora Man: Ah see Superman, we know you're invulnerable, there's no denying it!

Clark: Your point?

It's not like calling him out makes bullets hurt him, or reduce his punches to anything below "you are now three square miles wide". 

Jimmy is allowed to walk free till we criminalize being a moron. 

 I think the thugs' plan makes more sense when you realise they don't get that not everyone shares their bizarre mental condition. The one that strips them of the power to pick up their guns. 

Next time on the blog, Power Pack and something imaginary. More imaginary somehow